Oh boy.... I need to get this out somewhere, and I know most of you don't know me personally, so I feel alright saying this...

Ahhh fucking hell, I can feel the tears already.
Lets start with the event that triggered my downward descent of pain and misery..... Towards the very beginning of the school year, I broke up with a guy to go out with a boy who I liked the year before and who I was told really liked me. We started dating, and except for the fact that we didn't talk much or hang out really often, everyone thought we were the cutest and perfect couple. I thought we'd be together for a long time... Fast forward to eight months later. I could tell something was wrong. It felt like he was avoiding me, and just didn't want to be near me. Whenever I was with other friends, he would get mad and be like- 'fine! Ill leave you alone!' even though I never said I wanted to be alone. Of course since I thought he was avoiding me, I began to keep my distance. Then one day, we decided to take our relationship to another level. I thought this was good, and meant that things were going to get better and be okay. A week later, i sent him a message on facebook asking if he actually wanted to hang out sometime. A few days later... His response: 'Idk. We've been getting disconnected lately. I dont think I want to deal with this right now.' Oh, did i mention that that afternoon at gym, he held my hand and had his arm around my waist... and was talking about how we would hang out more often and we kind of talked about ways to fix things. That night on facebook, he broke up with me... basically saying he changed his mind and didnt mean what he had said that day in school. Me, being mature, wanted to fix things. It wasnt a big problem, and I tried to understand his reasons. He said he was hurt that I was avoiding him. I told him that i felt the same way and that it was all a misunderstanding. I never wanted to be alone. Then he started listing all the things i should have done, like called him just to say hello, or tried to find him at lunch... One reason we never hung out was because i work on the weekends. I also have anxiety, so i tend to leave my phone off and not return calls. I said I'd work on that. I guess he didn't care enough to want to fix things. For him, we were done. He said he wanted to be friends and later that he still liked me and that after i worked on my own problems, we would see what would happen(after a friend told him i wanted to get back together). The school i go to has like 30 kids in total, so its hard to avoid someone.... i was hurt, because i loved him. like legit loved this kid more than anything. Id walk to china if it meant we'd stay together (at the time i would, that is). He ignored me and was acting like a real jerk every day at school. Of course that hurt me more and every day i would cry and sit alone and look depressed. he never seemed to care. he would just hang out with other people (and a girl i hate) and talk and laugh. When i tried to talk, he'd be rude or ignore me. He said he wanted to be friends and for things to go back to normal, but he sure didnt act like it. We talked on facebook a few more times, and he never seemed to be at all upset at the fact that we broke up. I got to the point where i was so depressed i cut myself. I was even in the hospital last week for three days because of it. I got home to see he blocked me on facebook. I also learned that one of the staff at school asked for him to not be rude to me and he said 'leave me alone'. I sent him a message asking about why he blocked me after saying he wanted to be friends, and he flipped out on me. He basically said that he was annoyed that i cried and was so upset over the break up and was mad that i cut myself (like i had any control over my depression) and he thought it was all because i was being over dramatic about the break up (i had other bad things going on too). I responded that i was crying because i cared a lot about him and i still liked him. i said i was over the break up and was only upset because he was being nasty to me and that hurts after thinking someone loved you for 8 months. his response.... 'Stop saying cares about. there is officially no more caring. Im through talking with you. F-You! Im done talking forever!' (and a bunch of other terrible things). That was all after i got out of the hospital. i was hoping things would go back to normal and id talk to him and everything would be fine. he was mad that i was hurt when he broke up with me. what, was i supposed to be happy? so yeah, now im not going to school anymore, and who knows if ill graduate. i still cringe when i see his name or anything about him on facebook. i told him the cutting wasnt because of him. it ind of was, but that in addition to other things. I cant stand this, and i dont know how ill be able to attend my schools graduation or my friends parties. oh, and i was looking forward to hanging out with my friend jon who i think likes me kind of.... so thats my life. Oh, one more thing- I am not, nor was I ever, suicidal. so dont freak out.